I’m talking about my motivation. (Get your head out of the toilet. You know who you are.)
I’m beginning to wonder if I have enough motivation to stick with a plan this summer. I want to get up and take a nice long walk along the river each morning (that always gets me juiced), get some projects done and have an afternoon stretch or yoga class at the gym. But because I’m STILL recovering from foot surgery in December, a stretch class is all I can handle at this point, and it doesn’t do enough to motivate me to do anything but hang the banner for a pity party.
In an effort to redeem myself from the previous post, or at least post something in relation to it, I offer the following: my “Star Signs” horrorscope for the day. This one courtesy of Jeraldine Saunders, runs in my local paper. Maybe it’s time to cancel my subscription. But, this is from a trained numerologist and astrologer, the widow of the great astrologist to the stars, Sydney Omar, and she did write the book that spawned the fabulous “Love Boat“ TV series, so who knows?
Walk boldly within conventional circles. As long as you don’t cross the line, everyone that really counts will be pleased by your productivity and conscientiousness.
Now the dilemma(s). What are conventional circles? Where’s the line drawn? Who is this “everyone” that (who?) really counts? I’m going back to bed to stress.
On second thought, just leave me face down on the floor. I’m in way over my head anyway, why get up?
I started work again a few weeks ago, just part time and just ten months a year. I spent the first few weeks of the job stressing over not being able to keep up with my WordPress blog and reading all the blogs I follow. I did think that I’d at least get to it all when the break came, July and August. I’d be back on my toes, my fingers tapping across the keys and everything covered with sparkles! Ta Da! And, with two months off I’d have time to figure out how to get everything done when I headed back to work. You’d think, huh?
As I lay in bed this morning, again with the stressing, this time over whether or not to put my injured knee through a three or four mile walk or rest it and how to keep from eating myself into oblivion today, I drifted off into stressing about why I still can’t keep up with my blog and all the reading when I’m not even working. Actually, I can’t seem to keep up with anything. Why is it, I ask my lazy self, why I’m more able to keep up when I’m working four hours a day than when I have ten free hours a day??
Yup. Ten full hours a day, five days a week, unscheduled (with the exception of occasional doctor appointments, haircuts, grocery shopping, getting the car to the shop, laundry, cleaning house, vet visits . . . ). Still, I’m freaking drowning! I have this growing list of stuff I’d like to get done before I return to work in September — the operative word in that sentence is “growing.” Nothing getting done but lots of crap popping up that needs to be done.
I’ve forgotten all the rules of organization . . . taking a project one bite at a time, allowing some free time, making a list and checking it off, doing the things you don’t want to do first, etc. Well, I remember them; let’s just say I’m not doing them.
One thing I realized as I sat down at the computer this morning is that I start every day here: check the weather, check my email, check in at Facebook, and check in at WordPress. I’ve trained myself not to go any further, allowing just enough time to check in while I drink something before talking a walk. I could spend the full day sitting at the computer, easily, so I make an effort to get out of the house before getting locked in. That’s a good thing, right? I also make a quick list of what I have to get done that day. That’s good, too, right?
Then I walk. Then I come home. Then the day falls apart. Suddenly it’s 5:30 and my husband is walking in the door and I tell myself tomorrow will be better.
If you’ve got suggestions, send them fast. I’m up to my nose in water and someone just turned the faucet on full.
I give up. I completely give up. I’ve drafted three different posts today and somewhere between the initial idea and the publish button, they’ve all gone awry.
I’m just distracted today, simply incapable of finishing what I start. I’m sure it’s partly due to the fact that my husband is pacing the house in his bathrobe mumbling about his raging sore throat (from surgery) and because his Percocet kept him (read: everyone) awake ALL night.
Ok, I admit it. There is no downsizing going on here. No emotional attachment. No dread. Well, ok, some dread. Ok, a lot. And, plenty, but plenty of procrastination.
What makes us procrastinate? There are likely lots of reasons; I’m just trying to figure out which apply in this case. (It’s a good way to procrastinate, after all, this “thinking” about stuff.) I’m just freaking lazy, let’s face it. I have plenty of energy for things I want to do. Well, “plenty” may be overstating it, but I can at least think about things I want to do without wanting to go back to bed.
Subtitled: Isn’t there a book that needs to be read?
I’m in the process of getting rid of a ton of our stuff. I want to move to Italy and we can’t possibly take all this stuff, nor do I feel an urgent need for my third grade spelling book to accompany me on the trip. And, I particularly don’t need all the stuff in boxes that we haven’t even opened since before we knew each other!
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, then starting on the first one.” ~ Mark Twain
And, this is the issue of the day. Have you ever had time in your life? I mean time that wasn’t committed to someone or something else? And, a lot of it? I’m there, now. I’m not working and am not committed to anything. Hence, all my time is “free.” Which isn’t quite the truth, if you live in this chaotic world. I mean there’s banking, and laundry, and groceries, and cleaning, and taking the cat to the vet, and seeing the doctor, and ………..