Posted in friends, humor, people

Fourth of July and crazy friends, mostly about crazy friends

Image from 3dotsmedia.com

First of all, let me do a little flag waving for the Fourth of July! It’s a holiday to commemorate the signing of the Declaration of Independence from the British. According to Wikipedia “Independence Day is commonly associated with fireworks, parades, barbecues, carnivals, fairs, picnics, concerts, baseball games, family reunions, and political speeches and ceremonies, in addition to various other public and private events celebrating the history, government, and traditions of the United States. Independence Day is the national day of the United States.” What they failed to mention over-consumption of beer, an increase in drunk driving and domestic violence, and shooting guns into the air without regard as to where the bullets land. Ah, independence! And, forgive the snarkiness, it’s just that the older I get the less tolerance I have for stupid people! That said, Happy 4th of July, fellow Americans! (We do have some rockin’ good fireworks!)

Secondly, let me share with you an email I received this morning from a friend you’ve heard about here before: Ginah, the Coach princess. I will be spending about three weeks house sitting for my sister in Sacramento, this summer. She’s the tomato witch, and also has three great cats and a pool, which I’ll need given Sacramento’s intensely hot summers.

Did someone say coach? Image from wellsfargohistory.com

Anyway, my former employer, where I worked with Ginah and my other diva friend, Janna the shoe princess, asked me to write a procedures manual for a client while I’m down there this summer. I’m thrilled because they love me, they still really love me! That, and I’ll earn a few bucks while hanging out at the pool, and writing while getting paid is always very cool! Also, Ginah will “supervise” the project which I take to mean she’ll be hanging around the pool with me.

For some peculiar reason they have to hire me as an instructor so I turned in my instructor application and will now have a phone interview with someone down there, someone I don’t know. So, here’s where Ginah comes in. She emailed me the following this morning.

So it looks like Robin has everything she needs.  She is going to schedule an interview per our policy but it will be via phone or Skype if you can do that.  Of course I cannot interview you but I did want to pass the interview questions on to you — even though I am not supposed to — so you can prepare.  Here they are:

1. Which is smarter, the cat or the dog? (And if you answer cat, you are wrong.)

2. Rank these luxury handbags in order of most expensive to least expensive:  Marc Jacobs, Louis Vuitton, Coach, Hermes Birkin. (I can provide a visual sample if you need it.)

3. Name all Kardashian children in order from oldest to youngest.  (Hint: they all start with a “K” except for the boy.)

“A Kardashian Khristmas” (no kidding) image from .thehollywoodgossip.com

4. Since the project is writing a procedures manual, are you capable of writing a Cliffs Notes version of what you write … and a Cliffs Notes of the Cliffs Notes … perhaps a wallet size cheat sheet?  Some people don’t like to read.

 Good luck.  I am looking forward to bossing you around on this project. 

My response:

Well. I see that you finally got out of bed. Unfortunately, you seem to have left your brains behind.

Image from Psychology Today but don’t bother to read the article. Its conclusions are incorrect.

Dog? Really?? Everyone except you and your spoiled dog knows cats are smarter. Everyone, but everyone, also knows the Kardashian kids’ names (easy peasy, you can’t escape them). With you as a friend, of course I know which purse is “better” but I will have to will assume that you buy only the most expensive of anything and go with Coach. We will address your anathema of reading when I see you. (How can I possibly have a friend who doesn’t like to read??)

Thank you so much for the questions in advance. I promise to tell everyone I know that you shared them! (At least I’m going to post them on my blog. I have only about a hundred followers — low by WP standards — in five countries, so that shouldn’t spread too fast.)

PS. I will be the most obnoxious, lazy, whiny, cat-loving, obtuse employee you ever had. I promise to make your life hell.

We’re going to have a good time with this, I can tell!

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Posted in friends, humor, observations

It’s all about the shoes

In the interest of full disclosure, I love my friends. I really do. They are funny, down-to-earth, warm, loving, caring, and loyal women. They just have some strange addictions.

As one of my best friends, Janna, says, “It’s all about the shoes.” This from a woman who owns enough shoes to shod a small country. She’s beautiful and a total fashionista. She always looks like a million bucks and, I learned recently won’t touch a pair of flip flops!

My other bestie, Ginah, says it’s all about the purses. She’s a Coach collector — literally. She has a couple of hundred Coach collectible purses, as well as the 20 or so she actually uses. Ginah is beautiful, too, but no clothes horse. She’s a Hawaiian Island girl and, like me, she lives for jeans and comfy shirts. And, she loves her flip flops.

Continue reading “It’s all about the shoes”

Posted in friends, health, life, observations, people, wellness

Mother’s little helpers and the people I thought I knew

“Things are different today,” I hear ev’ry mother say. Mother needs something today to calm her down. And though she’s not really ill, there’s a little yellow pill. She goes running for the shelter of her mother’s little helper. And, it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day.” Rolling Stones/Mother’s Little Helper

Ok, so maybe I didn’t take very good care of myself when I was younger. I didn’t do enough sit ups, I didn’t floss twice a day, and I didn’t save for a rainy day. Sex, drugs and rock and roll were often my sustenance. But, I ask you, is it really necessary to be taking more than 14+ (I’ve lost count) medications a day now to make up for it? Is it really worth it?

Continue reading “Mother’s little helpers and the people I thought I knew”