My sister sent this to me today. Supposedly found posted near the bottom of her friend’s refrigerator door (at cat eye-level).
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep — it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years — canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.
There was quite a bit more to this, but it sort of angled off in to strange-land for me. You know, posting a notice on your door saying “my cats are my kids and as a visitor, you should respect that” and “if you don’t want to be covered with fur don’t sit on the couch, it’s called fur-niture for a reason” kind of stuff. A little “cat as cheezeburger” for me. I love my cats and they are part of my family, but quite understand that others don’t necessarily get that. Still, I appreciate those that do. So do my cats, as much as they are capable of appreciating any human effort. Gotta love ’em.