It’s all about the things you take a big bite of and then have to chew and chew and chew. Problems lie in how many bites you take of how many different things at the same time. I’m famous for it. I’m either doing nothing or I’m doing too much, and then I can’t keep it together.
I used to be so organized and so on top of things and the older I get the less able/interested I am in either. This becomes a problem only because I’m still “biting” like I was 30 and I’m choking on all of it now that I’m 63.
First, I have all the “odds’n’sods” as my friend would say – a list a mile long and growing faster than items get completed. I’m working on long-term goals (Italian citizenship, a name change, etc., etc.) and I’m working on current things (a friend’s lawsuit against our former employer, downsizing and moving to the next town, etc., etc.) and then there’s everything else – the things that never go away (laundry, cleaning, getting the oil changed in both cars, vet visits, shopping, etc., etc.) and the myriad of little things that will one day leave the list. We hope. Things like: eBay and Craigslist items to photograph and post, plus resulting phone calls and appointments; medical paperwork to sort out; bills to pay (although this probably belongs on the ‘never go away’ list), book swapping; birthday cards and mother’s day cards and father’s day card and anniversary cards (May, June are loaded with them) to buy, sign and mail on time; taking shoes to be repaired; scanning all the photos so I can get rid of the hard copies; and seemingly endless medical appointments.
So, get this. I’m not even working and I can’t keep up. I have to wonder if it’s age, or like I used to believe, I’m just more efficient with my time if I have too much to do and it all has to be squished in around a full-time job? I can’t begin to keep up with the laundry for two people now and at one time I was Miss E for Efficiency by dropping in a load to wash in the morning, moving it to the dryer at noon (or evening, determined by the distance from home to work) and into nice little folded piles and put away by bed time.
It’s uncomfortable to whine about this stuff when there’s so much strife in the world, but in my little world it feels like I’m doing all I can to just stay afloat.
And, I still deal with depression and the effects of changing medications, an ongoing effort since late last summer. You think you’ve got it all set and things change again. I have a hell of a time keeping track of which drugs I’m taking this week as opposed to last week. Like my husband says, every time you go to the doctor and say you want to drop the number of pills you’re taking, you walk out with a prescription for another one!
It’s defeating and difficult to keep your mood on top of it when the battle seems endless. But, without them, my blood sugar skyrockets, my exercise stops, no cleaning gets done, and life comes to a screeching halt, or nearly. I’ve dodged that bullet once and it was scary. I need those meds right now, and from my doctor’s perspective, maybe forever.
My body feels battered (and not in the deep-fried way) and my mind is not far behind.
So, ok, this is my lazy rant for the day. I just can’t imagine living to 106 like my grandmother – another 40+ years of this? I’m going back to bed.