Posted in for beauty's sake, life

He won’t let me

“He won’t let me cut my hair.” “He won’t let me go out with the girls.” For nearly thirty years my husband and I have chuckled over the things loved ones and spouses “won’t let” their significant others do. In the name of what, love? Is this considered a selfless act?

I’m guessing my husband (pre-marriage) thought it was entirely appropriate, to demand the adherence to any rules he laid down. I’m not sure where he changed (he changed lots of things to get this far; so did I) his thought process, but I do know with some certainty we wouldn’t be here now if he (and I) hadn’t done some adjusting.

I guess what brings this to mind is my younger sister’s firm conviction that she should never wear her naturally curly hair, naturally curly. She has that hair-to-die-for: blonde, fairly thick, silky and ever so slightly wavy/curly. (I suffer from stick straight, baby fine dish water brown drabishness on my head; perhaps that will help you understand my pique here.)

She often tells me how her latest hairdresser, or a friend, or someone tells her to let it go and style it around the curl. She’s done it exactly once in her life, as far as I know – had it cut and styled around the curl. She promptly went home to wash and straighten it before hubby got home. Why? “He doesn’t like it curly.” Maybe this is going to change, maybe not. She’s nearly 60.

My youngest sister-in-law has finally made the leap from long and gray – LONG and GRAY, can you imagine the look on a 58-year-old woman? – to short and gray. A great improvement on her almost frizzy curly hair and one she’d not taken to this point because “he doesn’t want me to cut it.”

I’m guessing she’s approaching the end of yet another marriage, and while I wouldn’t wish her any ill (she’s my favorite), I wish her years of beautiful, flattering hairstyles and colors.

Would that I could convince my sister of the same. At least I can safely assume, I hope, that her marriage isn’t about to end.

I just don’t understand the need to do something because someone else, especialy someone who loves you, says for you to do it. What will happen if you don’t do what someone else wants?

I’ve never thought myself particularly selfish, but maybe I am. If someone told me to grow my scraggly hair long, I’d laugh out loud. Been there, done that. About 40 years ago when Twiggy was queen and my straight strings were in style! It’s been about the same length of time since I quit being bossed around by others and quit thinking it was ok for men to hit women, even if they though it was deserved.

My sister will straighten and bleach her hair till she’s bald, to avoid annoying her husband. My sister-in-law will not bleach or straighten or cut her hair, until her husband says she can do so.

1-16-15 update. My sister has stopped bleaching her hair. She finally noticed her hair was thinning badly. She does still iron it because apparently her husband (who is totally gray) can deal with the gray now, just not the curls. And, my sister-in-law has cut her hair and is dying it, badly, AND ironing it, so that her think curls have turned into super-thin, see-through-the-black-to-the-scalp nothingness. I guess her husband finally told her to do so. Mine? Still stick thin and grungy brown with gray streaks starting. *sigh*



I'm a writer making my way through life and offering observations as I go. Old enough to know better but that doesn't stop me.

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